I don’t know about you but sometimes I make terrible decisions. Like all the time. Sometimes I make terrible food decisions. Not always. Just sometimes. In particular, when I order Subway I always ask for a heap of jalapeños. Always. I am okay with spice but not great with spice. I don’t know why. Not just from Subway to be honest. I eat jalapeños whenever I can. I don’t even think I like them. I don’t know why I do it.
Stalking them on social media:
Do not stalk them on social media. This is a terrible decisions. Whatever you see will make you unhappy. If they are seemingly having a good time (which a clever ex will do), you will feel awful, if they are posting lyrics of an old Blink 182 song, you will feel awful that they are struggling. Unless you are super sinister and take joy out of their pain. Either way, don’t do it. My exact advice, in a relationship never make it “Facebook official” because the first person to ditch that will make the other feel awful. Regardless of how in love you are, statistics show you’ll probably break up. Keep it off Facebook. With this, do not block or unfriend your ex,it is petty. But avoid looking at your newsfeed for a while and unfollow them from Instagram and Twitter. You do not need to see what they are up to. I would also probably get them off your Snapchat. Or alternatively never ever look at their story and just Gatsby them (Gatsby: when you post something publicly specifically for one person to see). You want to look like you are having the best time ever (or no time at all, whatever, as long as you do not look like you’re having a terrible time). Also looking like you are having a really good time will probably make you have a much better tine. If you want to post a picture of you at the beach or at a bar or whatever, you will have to go do that and essentially have a good time whilst doing it.
Looking at old photos of you with them or reading old love letters:
Do not throw this stuff away. It is lovely that you and someone else felt this way once but right now, you do not need a reminder that your ex has the potential to be gorgeous. Just pop it in a box and into storage. It is not for now. Don’t delete the photos off your phone. Just take new photos. Gain inner strength to be able to appreciate that time but to not cling to it. Don’t look at the photo at 1:30am crying to “your song”.
Texting them constantly:
After breaking up you can go cold turkey and not text and not see them and just get them out of your life, you might of broken up but still acting like a couple or you might be going into a great (or terrible) friendship. It might surprise you but all these are totally viable options to move forward. Just remind yourself, you are broken up, gain a tiny bit of distance and gain an element of yourself back. The easiest way to do this is taking an hour or more to reply. I would recommend 2-3. Not every single text but a majority. Nothing will change in that time. The text will still be there. Just take a bit longer. It lets you think through your response and just gives you some time to do something else and not looking at your phone waiting for them to reply.
Hooking up straight away:
Yay! You’re single! Don’t go sticking your tongue down someone else’s throat straight away. Take a few weeks. No one will listen to this advice. I probably wouldn’t listen to it. There are many benefits of a rebound. But you usually just feel awful afterwards or at some point. Just give it sometime. Or at least try.
Any calling in the middle of the night crying:
It is a shame I have to point this one out. Do not do it. Terrible decision.
Bad mouthing your ex to your friends:
Try to seem like the nicest person ever, regardless of how you actually feel or what your ex is saying about you. You always want to seem like the good guy and you don’t want to be having a big bitch about how they always wore socks when shagging. Just leave it alone. Be kind. It will pay off.
All and all, chill. Go with the flow and be a good, nice person. I know it’s hard but you just have to take life 15 minutes at a time. And even though it seems like you can’t breathe and you need this person – you don’t. You are magnificent. Do not let anyone make you feel any different.
Though it may seem dumb or trivial or maybe even stereotypic, I make terrible decisions when driving. Many of you will sigh or tut at my stupidity but other’s will relate to the greatest extents. Take joy in my idiocy.
1. I Can Make That Parallel Park:
When I was learning to drive I was pretty good at parallel parking. I had confidence and swagger when I did it. I also had a very experienced driving instructor talking me through the process every time. Now I am on my own. I cannot do it. At all. I should be able to. I have a small car (one day it’ll be a jeep wrangler, one day) and I do the steps somewhat correctly. I go forward until I’m inline with the other car and reverse and all of that but I just cannot pull it off. And I am very aware that I look pretty useless when I attempt to do it, fail, attempt again and just drive off to find another spot. Now, sensible people, they would practice, whenever there is an opportunity, seize it! Yeah, that’s not me. Some opportunities I am all for seizing. Eating a kilo burrito, going for a body surf in the rain, seeing if I can do a non-stop tv series marathon (side note: would definitely recommend Boston Legal or Buffy The Vampire Slayer). But perfecting my parallel parking is not a seize-able opportunity for me so I stick to what us not so proactive people do and drive around until a more accessible spot becomes available. It’s pretty average looking when someone else is in the car though.
2. Loosing My Car In Car Parks:
I get distracted. A lot. So when I park my car I often do not take note of the exact location. I usually can find the area of my car and I never forget what car park complex I leave my car in but the exact spot, I am not great at. I should probably take better note of this but let’s be honest I am not going to change.
3. Thinking A Different Car Is My Car:
This aligns with my second point quite well. I do not know my license plate by memory and if there is a car of the same make, model and colour I somehow always walk up to it. Following this, I look in my window and begin to stress that all my stuff has been stolen, and then when I try to unlock my car I relax because clearly my car is a different car. This happens more often than one would like.
4. Thinking I Am Close Enough To The Drive-Thru/Ticket Machine:
I am average sized and yet I still park so far away from whatever I am trying to reach out of the window. To resolve this I have to unbuckle my seatbelt and get half my body outside the window to get whatever it is I am attempting to get. I don’t know how short people do it. Probably with forward planning.
5. Shit, It’s Yellow! Do I Stop Or Go?
If you haven’t noted, I am pretty new to driving and I play this game where if I am approaching a set of traffic lights I pinpoint when I would just go straight through them. I feel whatever my decision, it is usually a poor one. This might just be because of my fun but quite irritating self-critiquing trait or more likely because I just make the wrong decision every single time.
I make terrible decisions when it comes to dating. My last two partners moved to the other side of the country and I am really not over the most recent one leaving. Along with this, almost all of my hookups I regret. So my solution to avoid these terrible decisions is classifying myself as “Post Love” and I recommend you do the same. Post Love is essentially putting relationships, meaningless hookups and crushes on the back burner. Not bothering with them in any way or form. You have so many other things going on and you do not need the emotional turmoil. There is no fun in that and I have no energy for that. Many people push the belief that the memories and feelings and all of that is worth the heart break at the end. But is it really? I have a great time on my own – I don’t need someone else leaching off that.
Relationships are just too much effort for not enough return. Fighting, stress and general existence with another person is tedious and repetitive. I don’t know about you but I do not need someone else entertaining me or making me happy. I am mighty fine on my own. I’m pretty great (most of the time).
It is important at this point to note that love in this context is sometimes synonymous with lust. With this, I don’t feel I need to go into great detail about random hookups and the terrible decisions that follow. They do not define you in any which way. If you have had heaps it does not reflect negatively (or positively) on your character. They simply mean nothing. Which is great sometimes. But usually at some point will be regretted or classed in the “terrible decision” file.
Per usual, you do not need to take this grade A advice. I probably wouldn’t. Just make sure you refer back to this at some point and feel slightly more satisfied that I agree that you have made a terrible decision but it does not change anything about who you are. Either it be a failed relationship or a dodgy hookup, it doesn’t matter. Don’t stress, the feeling of terrible decision making passes over time. Or you could do what I’m trying to do and weigh less value of the trivial pursuit of love and lust and label yourself as “Post Love” instead.