Now, I do not condone drinking. I love drinking. Very, very much. But if I’m honest, it is not always the best decision ever. This is an overly generic list – although, very relatable. Please enjoy.
“I’ll just have a few drinks with the lads (or ladies), no worries, not a big one”
Next minute it’s 1am and you are a goner. This is assuming you have not played beer pong…if you have you have pre-emptively written off the night – good on you for forward thinking.
“Should we get a glass or a bottle? Probably a bottle.”
Wine is very sneaky when it gets you. Always assuming it is on your side. No. It will make you an honest foul.
“Yay! Lets celebrate that minor achievement with a bottle of bubbles!”
Always a lovely choice but after one bottle, it is always another, and then another drink and before you know it, you are waiting for you friend to stop throwing up in the really nice restaurant or bar’s you have chosen to celebrate whatever in. Champagne is French for, as Taylor Swift would say, “a nightmare dress as a day dream” (Okay it might not be but may as well be).
“Oh, I’ll just have a cider.”
Cider is not a responsible choice? It still has a normal amount of alcohol in it. You’re not fooling anyone.
“I’m so tired. I’ll have a vodka red bull. $15 really? Okay I’ll get 3.”
Ever so expensive, taste ever so terrible and yet a very efficient choice. Ticks many boxes.
“Lets do shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots!”
Do not do shots. I am a great supporter of drinking but do not do shots. Terrible Decision.
“Oh, this has rum in it? Well, I guess I’m a pirate.”
People often forget about white rums and how often they are used in cocktails. No, this does not make you anything like a pirate. You are nothing like Jack Sparrow.
“I’m manly. I’ll have a bourbon and coke mate. Cheers.”
Drink what you want to drink. Do not drink based on your masculinity (or femininity for that matter).
“Midori and lemonade please! Yes, I’m over 18! Haha.”
This is what 16 year olds drink when they shouldn’t be drinking. Stop it. Drink a real drink. For fuck sake.
“Last time I drank Sambuca I threw up everywhere! Haha! That was back when I was 19. I’m sure it won’t happen again!”
Yes it will. Do not drink it. Ever. No.
“Is this whisky or scotch?”
Very minimal to note. I do not drink whisky often. Whatever.
“I only drink the finest scotch’s.”
Yeah, to be fair, you have paid a lot for this scotch, you can be a bit arrogant about it. But I will give you no extra respect because of it.”
Be wise in your choices. And have a good time.